Business Coaching and Training Cork Ireland

To marry or not to marry – that is a fairly big question to ask oneself! Now whether you are male or female I certainly feel that it is no small matter to consider.

I found myself in a position about two years ago when I realised I really did want to get married. My partner had not been keen on the idea for the 14 years we had been together. It had never really been an issue until it came to the point when I was naturally considering my options for having babies and getting married. Needles to say, I was approaching my mid thirties, which could be argued to be a certain turning point for many a woman very aware of her “biological clock”.

So there I was, pretty sure I was going to leave the “having the children” job to my friends and sisters, but something was niggling me about the whole marriage thing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. We were happy for so long and didn’t need a piece of paper to prove that. We had been getting on fine up to that year, why change anything?

Then it struck me. It was ALL about change. I needed that specific change in my life, and I am certainly not the type to prevent change in my life. I welcome change, and encourage my clients to also. So there I had it, break the news, or leave things as they were. The only problem with leaving things as they were was that I needed the change. It would have eaten me until I eventually would have come clean about my wishes, or suffer under the duress of staying the same.

I am now happily married two months. Very little has changed about our lives together, but for me personally, I feel and know that I have accomplished another aspect of my life that felt “just right”. This makes me very happy, and I am also very relieved that my partner felt the same. Often, friends ask me was I not afraid that my partner would say no? I would reply that of course I was nervous, it could have been the “make or break” of us. In reality, I knew in my heart that he would agree with how I felt, so even that my inner fears were nervous, I already knew his reaction.

Does this make it easier to decide? Of course not, we still battle with our sabotaging voice telling us that changes ruin everything, stay in the comfort zone, etc etc…

So next time you are pondering on the question of marital bliss, here are some tips to help you on your way:

Firstly, make sure you know for yourself if YOU want to get married. Be watchful of external influences such as parents, partner, pregnancy, tax implications, and internal influences such as religion, age, attitude about marriage, conditioning, beliefs. By addressing the question privately before consulting your partner, you are ensuring you follow what’s best for you, and not another.

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow

Secondly, when we fall in love with someone, they are perfect! Why then do [mostly] women spend the next 20 years turing their perfect man into what they want, and then realise that they are not the man they married anymore! Why fix somehting that is not broken? (So, ladies, leave your man alone. Guys, appreciate that the girls are constantly striving for perfection, and stand up to the cause.)

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” – Barbra Streisand

Lastly, there is no absolutely perfect time or age to get married. It is best done when it feels like just the right thing to do. Sometimes, it is for the better of a cause. But once it feels right, the odds don’t matter.

A final note of warning:

If you do decide to take the plunge, make sure you never forget a birthday. We’ll leave the “D” word until another time.

Happy Honeymoon!

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